A few years ago, I started doing some reading about something called “a rule of life”. A rule (or set of rules) that could get my life in order (and a bit on autopilot)? Yes please. This decision fatigued, running thin, anxious and depressed drama teacher wanted something to be simpler. To be decided once. To set-and-forget.
And that something was life. Literally. All of it.
If I figured out this “rule” or framework against which to set my whole life, shouldn’t it become easier? Shouldn’t things happen more easily or quickly? Wouldn’t I be ahead of those people from whom I felt behind?
To no ones surprise, the “rule of life” felt too big, too final, too daunting. And I never did it. I never finished the books, listened to the audio course, filled out the template.
I still haven’t.
But, with much therapy and trial and error, I have been trying to look at life in a smaller way. Asking smaller questions. Shaping smaller rules.
What’s in front of me?
Who is in front of me?
What’s mine to do today?
What is not mine to wrestle into a box?
What small steps feel like a step in the right direction?
What can I simplify without having to tackle it all?
What’s the next right thing? (Thank you Emily P. Freeman & Frozen 2).
What can I do now to make life easier later? (Also, thank you, Kendra Adachi).
I can get pretty reflective around my birthday (yes, I know July was 3 months ago) and I started crafting this list of little life rules over these past few weeks. Things I find myself doing repeatedly, reminders I tell myself frequently. Little choices that help me feel more like me.
Now these aren’t hard and fast rules, as I don’t always follow them. “They’re more like guidelines anyway,” to quote some of my favorite pirates.
But to me, these little life rules that have been built over the last few years (say, 10 years of post-grad life?) really do act as the guidelines and guardrails that help me keep myself on track (and feeling more like myself).
And in the process of writing them out, I found that it actually made me even more grateful for them. I’ve fought hard for progress, boundaries, and to rise to the surface of my own thoughts over young adulthood and my teaching career, and this little list means a lot to me.
Yes, it includes silly things like what kind of planner to use (seriously, self, stop trying new planners) and some reminders for healthy dating app use (not my favorite area of single adulthood, trust me), but I quite like the list I came up with and I thought you might, too.
Remember, these are the little railings along my road of life, so adopt and agree with what you wish, and let the rest go if they’re not your cup of tea. They’re mine and mine alone (and they’re in a glass full of ice, sweet as can be).
✨ bailey’s little life rules
Fill up the gas tank when you notice it’s under 75 miles to empty.
Do it then, don’t wait until the morning (you always regret it in the morning).
A black dress and a denim jacket take the guesswork out. Busy morning? Black & denim. Feeling meh? Black & denim. Need to feel confident? Black & denim.
Gold hoops & a gold bar necklace. Everyday.
Umbrella in the car. Umbrella in the car. Umbrella. In. The. Car.
Umbrella also where you can reach it in the car. Umbrellas in the trunk are no help.
You’re never disappointed in a solid color manicure with one sparkle finger.
Eyebrow wax on payday weekend.
Glitter makes everything better.
If the students ask you to join in (dress up days, silly picture, school interview) say yes as often as you can.
Take a day off (or two) right after your show closes. (And schedule a massage).
The once a month massage really makes a difference (fix your budget to make it work).
Try to read the book as soon as you buy it (you’ll never be more excited about it or more drawn to it than right then).
Meet the guy within 1 weeks of matching online (2 max).
Stay in the app until you meet in person.
But if you swap numbers and it doesn’t work, #blessnblock1 is always an option.
Let yourself be picky (if it feels off on the app, let it/him go).
Only swipe when it feels fun. Don’t do it out of obligation or force.
The HomeGoods (TJMaxx/Marshalls) reusable bags are the best for books when moving in-town. Across town/out of town? Kroger egg boxes.2
Canvas totes are a yes if they’re bookish or theatre-y.
And always keep 2-3 totes in the car.
Wash towels first then darks (they’ll HAVE to be taken out of the dryer that way).
If you love the shoes/sandals, buy a second pair.
New *unmentionables* are bought at the new year and your birthday. Like clockwork.
If you aren’t excited enough to wear the shirt/dress/skirt in the next week, don’t buy it.3
Stick with Mildliners & the academic year Day Designer from Target. Nothing else ever fits quite right.4
Give a book 50 pages. Then you can DNF it if you want to. No really. If you don’t like it, let it gooooooo.
And if I DNF something, I can still include it in my Goodreads count. You do you, but I’ll do me.
Shauna Niequist is an auto buy.
And Sarah Adams.
Speaking of books… bring your Kindle everywhere.
But have a book everywhere just in case (at school, in the car, by the bed).
Vote in the way that feels the most loving towards the most people.
And engage in politics/news only when and how it feels healthy (no matter what others may think or assume).
Keep a healthy skepticism for certainty.
And remember skepticism is healthy but cynicism can be deadly.5
Remove what obstacles you can for tasks that feel difficult.6
Which basically means asking the magic question7 whenever you can.
Don’t make any major life decisions the week before the show or the week of the show (and sometimes the week after the show). Stress is high, sleep is low, and the decision can wait.
One day/pocket of introverting time on trips over 3 days long is a must.
And a day for reentry should also be on the calendar after traveling socially.
Need a comfort watch? Lily James never lets you down.8
If your niece asks to read a book, the answer is always yes.
Window seat & boarding early is the move (whenever available/feasible).
Flights for friends are worth it.
It’s not official until it’s penned into your calendar.
If someone really needs you to tackle something (work related), have them email you. Your inbox is your most trustworthy to do list.
Drive yourself to family/social functions. It helps you feel more “adult” and autonomous especially in situations that can make you feel overwhelmed, behind, or small.
Be a person who smiles. At the cashier. At the stranger. At the crying baby.
Be a regular wherever and whenever you can.9
Fifty little life rules for peace, joy, and making me feel like me.
Now what about you? Any little life rules (or guidelines) you live by?
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Blocking someone’s number that you’ve only briefly met for one date or two is definitely acceptable in my book. Some people can’t take a hint (or even a clear no). So we bless and block. Or sometimes just block.
Not too big, not too heavy, just right. And they’re the perfect stackable cube size. (Especially when you have 20+ of these boxes…).
And if it will take some kind of alteration (to the garment or yourself) to wear it, don’t get it. Dress the body you have with items that already work.
Believe me, I’ve tried almost every planner out there. A shiny new option in January feels great, but in the fall I need to see the entire academic year. I love a detailed, clothbound option, but three months is not enough. Dailies are cute, but there’s rarely enough room, and I always dream big about using a teacher planner but it drops off after three weeks. SO. Stick with what you know and love. Target Day Designer Daily. Every year.
I went to a training this summer where the speaker said “Skepticism is questioning with the intent to find clarity, but cynicism is questioning with the intent to destroy” and that rocked my brain a bit.
Politics is an anxiety point for me, as can be large groups of people, so this year I voted early on my day off after the musical. I removed the obstacles (election day stress with lots of people, election day energy, working and having rehearsal on election day) and I even found a little known polling location that had no crowd whatsoever.
The magic question: “What can I do now to make my life easier later?” a la Kendra Adachi of Lazy Genius fame.
Cinderella (live action). The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society. Yesterday. What’s Love Got to Do With It? Downton Abbey. Pride & Prejudice (& Zombies).
If I’m going to go to Chick-fil-a before school as often as I do, being friends with the crew definitely makes it more fun. And Mackenzie’s wild “Hello, friend!” from the drive through or doorway is always fun.